This is one of my favorite times of year. Is it because spring is nigh, and the birds are chirping? No. Because the days are longer, and the sun shines from early in the morning until late at night? No. The reason is simple: the four-hour extravaganza created in 1956 – Cecil B. DeMille’s The Ten Commandments.
Sure, Charlton Heston was a horrible actor.[1] Sure, Moses may not have had the bottomless supply of metaphors[2] and the silver tongue[3] he wields with unchecked abandon in the film. Sure, Joshua probably didn’t flit around on ropes like Errol Flynn. But there’s something about this epic creation that keeps me glued to the TV for hours.
Now, I enjoy How the Grinch Stole Christmas and other similar holiday-time TV happenings, but none nearly so much as this.
I hereby declare The Ten Commandments to be the greatest historically-themed epic of all time.
So let it be written. So let it be done.
I’m highly amused because I spent several hours today watching Mr. Heston grimace his way through Ben Hur (which stunningly won him a Best Actor Oscar). This could very well require a no-holds-barred Epic movie grudge match. Let’s compare:
10C weighs in at 220 minutes with BH a svelte 212.
10C nominated for 7 Academy Awards in 1956, but only won one. BH, on the other hand, nominated for a stunning 12 awards and won 11 (the only other films to do so are Titanic (gag) and The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King).
BH has naval warfare and chariot races, but then 10C has an extended orgy scene (go 1950s!).
AFI ranks BH #2 (after Lawrence of Arabia) in the top 10 epic movies list. 10C ranked 10.
Roman iron age bad guys are way-cooler than Egyptian bronze age bad guys.
Being Easter, BH has a more appropriate religious subplot than 10C.
What say ye?
I choose to remain faithful to my choice despite facts that seem to contradict what I believe. Put another way, my choice is right and your choice is wrong because it is not my choice.
Repent and thou shalt be saved.
You forgot one of the best parts of The 10 Commandments – how Heston manages to make the word “God” into a three – sometimes four – syllable extravaganza!
Holly, excellent point – and one which amuses me to no end. Chuck manages to take Lucasian dialogue (definition: dialogue bearing the qualities of a script written by George Lucas) and make it even worse with his wooden delivery.
Chris, since I know you’re probably not satisfied by my original dodging of the issue, here is a point-by-point response to your analysis:
Topic: Film length – 10C is slightly longer than BH
This is a difficult metric to address. Is it better that BH makes its statement with less puffiness? Do we get more for our money with 10C? Well, it turns out not to matter. A detailed analysis shows that if one removes every “Oh, Moses” uttered by Nefretiri, the two films would be exactly the same length.
Topic: Academy Awards
The fact that Titanic and LOTR can even be mentioned in the same sentence strikes this metric moot.
Topic: Warfare content vs. bacchanalian orgy
I still haven’t decided which is better, but I’m leaning towards the latter.
Topic: AFI ranking – BH is #2 and 10C is #10
Clearly BH won the #2 slot since its has 2 words in it. Similarly, 10C rounds out the top 10 in last place due to its numeric title. If 10C were named “Exodus” it would clearly have won the either the #1 slot (due to its single-word title) or the #2 slot (since Exodus is the second book of the Torah). I can’t see how this analysis can be refuted.
Topic: Iron age warriors vs. Bronze age warriors
Dude, Yul Brynner.
Topic: Temporal appropriateness
Since the dates of Passover and Easter are closely linked, it’s safe to say that both are appropriate for this time of year.
Conclusion: Still too close to call.